The Cranky Communicator: Corporate Grandiloquent Self-Descriptions

I guess it all started in MBA schools during the '80s when it was solemnly proclaimed that Black & Decker did not make quarter-inch drill bits, but quarter-inch holes. This undoubtedly triggered the escalating stupidity of brand managers to identify their products not for what they are, but for what they did. Sell the benefit, not the product. Sounds good if you're Annheuser-Busch or BMW. But what if you're a little known B2B industrial products company, or even a well known diversified conglomerate?

What precipitated this was a front-page article in the WSJ (late November 10) by James R. Haggerty entitled, "Dad, What Do You Do at Work? I'm a Leader in Active Safety." Just to give you a flavor of how far over the edge this identity compulsion has gone, listen to this press release description of a computer services company:

"... (we) will leverage an innovative outcome-based, managed services engagement model with committed productivity benefits over the long term." Or how about this call center's description of itself: "... a global leader in providing customer contact management solutions and services in the business process outsource (BPO) arena." YIKES.

My first job after leaving the Army was with a large manufacturer that described itself as "the world leader in the manufacture and sale of food processing equipment." Okay, the "world leader" phrase makes you gag, but the rest of it pretty well describes a company making everything from refrigerators to meat grinders and dishwashers. What's wrong with telling someone you make automobile and truck brakes ratther than "active safety systems?" Is it an impulse to romanticize what our companies actually do?

We were all taught to communicate clearly and precisely. I'm afraid our continuing penchant for catchy tag lines and grandiloquent company descriptions will only confuse the marketplace as to who we are and what we do. Most people would prefer to know how with certainty that you make brakes than wonder what in the heck an active safety system is.